Volume Control

Cade is crazy for robots including the animated movie Robots. In the opening sequence, the Mommy and Daddy robot assemble a baby 'bot. After assembling the baby, you see him crying loudly and the parents are reading the instruction manual. The Daddy reaches over and turns the baby down with the conveniently installed volume control. Dude, I need me one of them. Maybe two.

Reid is going to be two months old on Thursday. The kid has a set of lungs. We are fortunately past most of the colicky crying, but he had his shots yesterday and that made for a pretty unhappy camper yesterday. I looked up online the decibel level for a few things. Normal speech: 60. Snow blower 105. Baby crying: 110. The length of time it takes to suffer hearing loss at 110 decibels: 1 minute 20 seconds.

Cade is two. The kid is only quiet when he's doing something he shouldn't. Everything else is at top volume. He loves to go to the park because I let him scream as much as he wants. That does not however, stop him from cranking it to eleven all day long at home. He has yet to discern the difference between "indoor voice" and "outdoor voice." Or maybe he doesn't give a rat patootie, but at any rate, the upshot can be rather piercing. We were in the grocery store last night and Cade took it upon himself to shout "NO!" at random intervals. I wasn't talking to him. He just wanted to yell "NO!" at passing strangers.

My cat has taken it upon herself to begin loud mewling sessions while the kids are napping. If I'm lucky, I get one hour of them both napping at the same time. Apparently she has decided that the house is entirely too quiet and something must be done. Someday somebody's going to find a very nice black kitty for free out by the dumpsters.

My life could seriously use a volume control.

But then I pick up my little screaming koala and he begins to nurse and I listen to the steady rhythm of his breath as he swallows and I remember how long I waited to hear his first bellowing cries in the delivery room. And when the monkey belts out "MAMA!" at Oh dark thirty in the morning I realize that in no time I'm going to be waiting by the phone just to hear him say my name long-distance on my Birthday. And the house will be too quiet. And, yes, I'll want to hear that stupid black cat yelling down the hallway. It's too bad we don't come with volume controls.

Volume controls and pause buttons.